Here Comes Goodbye.

not used to how things are
you just sit here thinking you'll never go far
on and on, it never changes
trying harder each time, you fall into pieces

wondering where you went wrong
knowing that failure has been here all along
held on to the hope of something real
and then you remembered
lifes not a fairytale

how did it end up like this
you say, feeling something's amiss
chained down by emotions
you linger on with devotion

you saw it coming yet ignorant, you wanted to be
now open your eyes, take a good look and see
on the verge of walking away
you tell yourself. its just another day.

Bless the Broken Road.

the weekend was just the worst.
Barak's momma died. and just after hearing about that. my dad tells me that his cardiologist died.
Both from cancer and both were awesome beings.
it just makes me wonder why does god let such things happen to good people and not do anything about it.
my pastor says its because he looks to eternity more than the now. so they're in a better place.
i guess he's right.




i'll always remember you x

Supernova.

haha just thought i'd post my vlog on here instead :)

Fearless.

we all have friends. some good some bad. and some you just dont know where to place.

sharing secrets in good faith that they wont tell anyone else. but you forgot something - even faith can be betrayed.

judgements are passed when they know nothing at all. gossips come and go but the hurt stays forever.

something must be seriously wrong if we continue being quiet. afraid of hurting them when all they do is slice the every breathe we take.

its weird how they dont even know what they're doing.

shallow.

there is no point anymore. move on.

worth is what they lack and they never had it

boasting and pridefulness, it never stops.

irritating, it truly is.

we have to stand up for ourselves and just push them away

it just aint healthy.

xoxo

Letter Day.

a cover is on its way. look out for it :)

xoxo

The Technicolor Phase.

everyone's leaving :(
went for Marcus' farewell party yesterday. it was the sex! lol
brace yourselves for a shitload of pictures :D
thank you james for tagging along with me x

Macus and I :]


and now i just dump.







BLADDERED




















you.



xoxo
signing off as mrs smith.

Hello Seattle.

never have i had to many things crash onto me at once.

i shall just tell you about today. i recently made a contract with ewineasia to help them promote their wine. and due to some bad unforeseen circumstances that happened these few days, i was unable to make my time slot for today. my parents wanted me to go to church rather than work. thing is, i told them that i had to work cause i already gave Bruno my word that i'll work. but everything has been so screwed up that i couldnt not go to church. so i had to go. and Aunty Susy had to cover for me in the morning.

i feel really bad honestly but i'm just caught in the middle.

and so after church, i went to the booth just to check on how they were holding up and whether they needed my break. and Laurent just like says "what are you doing here." and he went on and on and on basically proving how much inconvenienced i caused.

tell me something i dont know. jesus.

and so yeh i tried to explain myself but they were just apathetic. so in the end he was like "you can go." and i just couldnt be assed. and i was like "fine. whatever."

and then i call ryan and i was crying cause here i am trying to help the little bit i can. and i just get brushed off like that. and he passes the phone to Aunty Susy. and she scolds me. kinda. like everything is basically completely and totally my fault.

god. give me a break. its not like i dont have enough problems on my hands already.

anyhoo, i've pretty much cried until i'm left without tears. i didnt cry because they brushed me off. its more complicated than that. and i'm not going to go into detail.

but after thinking about it properly, i'm glad i did right by my parents. it has more return, compared to crummy pay.

done with the wine business.

xoxo

caught in the middle.

dead.

i'm dead. i overspent and now i have to pay the consequences cause my mother wants to update my bank account. and she's gonna go crazy once she updates it.

goodbyee. x

No Sacrifice, No Victory.

by the way for all those that dont know yet. i got a new piercing pretty long ago now. but here it is :)

anyhoo. today was rather mellow. chilled at Jack's place in the afternoon.

want sex?

went shopping in the evening and met jane after and went home. now i'm off to write my baby a letter :]

xoxo

utterly in love with transformers. such a kid.

fuck.

i dont get it. how is coming home after your curfew a bad thing? why do my parents get SOO fucking uptight about it. i dont think its that big of a deal if you ask me.

you know parents always give you a time to be back home and what they're really doing is setting themselves up for disappointment and at the same time grounding you and getting mad for no reason. when all of it could just have been avoided if you guys could just cut me some slack. instead of me having to be good and composed all day. fuck.

they dont understand the effects of the child when the child forces herself not to screw up anymore. but when in fact, she doesnt. but due to the restrictions and sensitivity of her parents, she WILL and ALWAYS screw up. no matter what.

its not that she intended to. the whole situation is just set up that way. sureee. you can say "oh she wouldnt be in trouble if she just came home one time" OR instead why not say this "she wouldnt be in trouble if it werent for the curfew."

and you say "oh its for your safety"

and i say "do i look like i've got a scratch on me"

i think parents should all just go take a chill pill. apparently i broke my dad's heart just because i didnt come back on time. WHAT IS THAT. how can you fucking break someone's heart by coming home late. so i didnt keep my promise but i really tried. why cant they look at it from that point of view. i dont get it. seriously.

why are parents all so afraid of giving their children full freedom. its like knowing that i'll be coming home late but at least i'm COMING HOME = there's no need to worry. isnt it.

like i said before. expectations suck.

oh my sister tells me now that i broke my dad's heart cause i was disobedient.

what the fuck is wrong with this fucking world.

fuck. give me back my knife.

All We'd Ever Need.

hiya vii <3

remember you promised not to tell

so jonny got into some trouble with the police for protecting a lass who was being thrashed up. and he didnt tell me what exactly happened in the beginning so i was like jonny! why'd you do that.. oops :]

well its not that i concluded he purposely got into a fight but i figured he had his reasons. and after jonnyboy told me what happened he was like see and you doubted me there thinking i'd got myself into trouble. lol. so completely untrue. well, a lil :P but who's keeping track?

anyhoo, i'm just glad he's alright. kinda. i think he might have broke his hand slammin' that lad's face. such a hard face, empty skull.

today is going to be awesome unless my folks decided to keep calling me... again.

oh and that's Trae's new girlfriend.

i am sorry but my babyboy just owns. yes i know thats not me in the picture but someday it'll be :)

xoxo

alive for me :]

One Day You Will.

we went to Chris' apartment the other day and they had to work and left the place to us :)

so we went raiding. lol

martin's jackets.

Chris' chinese robes or something

Also, i've been thinking about my future these few days and as time goes by, i realize how much more

certain i am that i wanna be with Jonny. somehow it gets clearer and then i confuse myself by saying its

too far-fetched of a plan now. but dreams do come true dont they?

it looks so perfect.

xoxo

reassure me again.

Will You Be There.

because loser blogger refuses to let me upload pictures i have no choice but to use some external photo uploader. and i have chosen Phlook :)

so here are the overdued pictures.

xoxo

life missing you.

annoyed.

this is so annoying. why cant i upload pictures here anymore?

help me :(

%$#@!

i just hate everything right now.

like i just want to fuckin kill anything or anyone i see. just like slice them all into bit and pieces and go on a rampage.

fuck this world. i dont give a shit. everything is just crap and i dont want it.

if only life were how you wanted to live it. with nobody stopping you. no limitations. no boundaries.

why should i live on knowing the world is going to end anyway.

the issue about me is that. if you know me, you'd know i have this "problem" managing my anger. i'm a cutter. so after the last incident, i promised people that i wouldnt do it again. and i havent but i've been keeping all my anger and frustrations in and i've got no ways to let them out. so you can imagine the torment i'm going thru. to the point where i'm on the verge of pulling my hair out. i cant take this anymore.

whats worse is that i'm grounded and i hate being at home.

i NEED to get out.

runaway if i will.

i need a break. but then again so does everyone. but i'm not everyone see. why should i suffer just cause everyone is suffering too. call me selfish. but its our choices that brings sufferings or happiness.

forget it.

where's my ticket to a better place?

Will It Ever.

grounded.

bored of life.

everything just doesn't feel right.

keep moving forward i guess.

so anyhoo. the other day i realized that throwing insults between jonny and i have stopped. hmmm.. interesting.

what else can i tell you about.. hmm. jonny gets off work 3 hours from now :D

lol. i have to stop eating. i'm putting on the pounds which is dreadful. seriously. what. the hell. sarah! stop eating.

and what the hell. i cant seem to upload 'em pictures onto here. OH WELL.

xoxo

fuck you jan.

Untouched.

death is all around

some people are afraid

but there just no escape

we'll all soon be dead.

when you cry, i'll cry with you.

when you're sad, i'll frown with you

it's okay you'll be fine

just live on and it'll go by.

souls run.

its us who are left behind

suffering and torment is what we've got

peace and serenity is what death brought.

i know you miss her

but dont shed a tear.

just remember her smiles and giggles

remember that you were her angel

hope you're fine, i love you so

even in the winter cold

she'll be with you, heart and soul

always.

xoxo

i love you so much.

Built To Last.

just thought i'd post some Attica pictures. it just piles up over a period time. heh.

and procrastination doesnt do me any good either.

karlson! :D

yeh i just dumped it all here. just for your viewing pleasure as always :)

xoxo

i'm not your bitch you two-faced backstabbing slut.

always here.

frightened, you might be

afraid of what you will see

you keep running, searching for help

but you only feel by yourself

sometimes you forget

this world is filled with hate and regret

the love i have for you will remain

always here, it will stay the same

no doubt, it worries me

thinking about what its all going to be

i feel useless, unable to solve

all the problems you face and dread of

tell me, i will always be here for you

i'll keep silent, faithful and true

really hate seeing you like this

you'll still forever be my Mister Smith :)

strong, i know you are

just grit your teeth and you will go far

i have faith in you

i just know that you will pull thru

life's been shit without your presence

not sure how much longer i can take your absence

i miss you so much its unbelievable

so hurry on back or i will die

cause its only me and you and you and i

waiting till the end of time

xoxo

loving you always

She's My Winona.

i just got off watching MTV's True Life: i am a compulsive shopper. and its just tragic. if i keep going on like this, i'm going to end up in shit.

this girl, ali, is up to $15,000 in debt and the bank came and like took her furniture out of the house. and i just like freaked out cause these girls featured has absolutely NO cash in their wallets. like 6 dollars maybe.

i've been spending quite a bit these past months and my well is drying up. i can feel it. so God is obviously sending me a message by letting me watch that show. dangflabbit. no more shopping sarah. simple living. i wanna get a bag tho. so maybe instead of LV, i'll get Kate Spade.. HELL NO.

but shit. i really do need a bag. and i really cant spend anymore.

ever wondered where all the money goes and how come it never flows back to us..

janey we're in trouble.

thats my bill for my cards last month.

i would blame ryan for my poorness. cause he owes me a SHITLOAD of money which he doesnt even bother paying me back. like i would have to chase him for it. aint it your responsibility to pay back the person you borrowed from?

this world sucks.

why cant everything just be free for me :( lool

x0x0

stop shopping sarah.