yeah i am..

I've just realized that I'm one troubled girl. My life is made up of horse shit. Like everything that I go through just adds up to my sorrow and the pile of shit. I always feel screwed and only a few things would make me feel really happy. When I have my Dad around, when I have ******* around me, and when I get what I want. But life is screwed up by the world so therefore, we don't always get what we want, do we? It's not that I'm spoilt or whatsoever. It's just really unfair that my life has to be controlled by boundaries, Mothers and they are like masters of the Sim. Gotta do what I'm assigned.. It's shit.

So today, I had chemistry extra lesson and well, cause Theo and I have the same Chemistry teacher, we had the class together. And god! ***** was like trying to grab his attention. Fuck! No one wants to hear your bullshit. Shut Up. I'm not trying to be mean but like you like him right? So tell him than say friggin' lame sentences. It gets on people's nerves. And poor Theo has put up with the nonsense. No one wants it. Take it back and piss off. You are like blinded by love or something. He doesn't like you. Get the picture?

Anyway, my common tests are coming and the stress to do great is getting heavier.. If I could hold on, I'll survive. I have absolutely no confidence to ace my tests. It's the confidence thing. Like I'm not sure whether the answers I write down are right or wrong. I need help!

Am I being a bitch now?
[Do not answer the question]

So lately, I did something bad and now I have gotten my retribution. I shouldn’t have done it but I did. And therefore, I must pay… this stinks but it can’t be helped.

I gonna change my phone! Haha. Well, I’m thinking of Cheryl’s and Charmaine’s phone but do they mind? Do you guys mind??

This is for you..

This is specially for Ziyang.. since you are such a loyal visitor of my useless blog. And always get disappointed when you come, this is for you.. haha!

So the O level results are out and Hannah did really well. So did Chork. I’m so proud of him. From a 17 to an 8. haha.. he’s is so smart. Hehe.. Hannah’s gonna try to stay in Hwa Chong. And I told Chork to try out for Hwa Chong. I hope he is able to make it. Brice did okay and I guess Tim’s gonna try out for AC. I mean he can. Through Soccer. Yeah… Sharina had a pretty average score. But I’m not sure if she’s satisfied with what she got.

I just realized something. I love talking to Theodore. It’s just so easy. Like I can say whatever I want and he’ll be okay with it. But the only problem is that I feel he doesn’t have opinions. He doesn’t really say much. All he does is answer the questions or make lil remarks. It’s all so bootzy. But I plan on inviting him to church next Sunday. He says he doesn’t mind. But if he feels lazy, then he wouldn’t go. Haha.. but I’ll try my very hardest to make him go!! Haha.. since I don’t really get a chance to speak to him in school, I’ll speak to him outside of school.. hehe^^

So today, Ziyang taught me how to do a drum roll.. is it one word? Oh well..
Haha.. it was pretty funny. But I cant really get the gist of the beat and how to drum it as good as he can.. I guess practice will do the trick.. I will master the roll! Haha.. whatever..

Is this long enough to make you feel less disappointed? Lemme know!!

yupp..

Last week has been so pumped up with all sorts of emotions. Good and bad. Like i told you, KOH picks on my hair. Right.. and i totally caught her in the act. I followed Sheena to go look for her one day and the first thing that she said to me was, "Sarah~! Your hair ah.." and like there was nothing wrong with it. So i was like, "What? It's all pinned back." and she kinda stuttered after.. haha!! Mom has finally let me back on the ice.. but i have to start my whole skating course again. This time i have two friends that are joining me. So the price is cheaper. That's why she allows. But i feel it's pretty wasteful but well, i rather be on the ice than not at all. It's my life to skate.. well, kinda.

Know what it feels like being rejected? This is the bad thing that happened to me this week. And i'm still a grouch over it. So i was being lame and asked this guy, Matt*, a random question in a very sarcastic manner. And it was sent through a short message (SMS). So you know, you can figure what my tone would be like. We were kinda talking about this girl called Amelia. That she has grown to be really pretty. And well, i ask him, "Do you find me pretty~?" like i was being sarcastic!! dumbfuck. And well, the answer was no. i could feel like my heart slowing down and shattering into many screwed up pieces. The rejection that i felt was something that was hard to overcome. It's like my world was torn apart.. and when we carried on with this topic, i suddenly realise something which was really true.
If it doesn't work out between us, all the 6 years of great friendship will go to waste. 6 GREAT YEARS! Yupp.. a sure waste, it will be.. so i think i'm better off being his good friend than just a memory of a past.

I need a new pair of figure skates. Gonna start classes in march!! can't wait... the inter-school competition will not be long after and hopefully, Vivian and Jess would be skilled up by then. Then we shall join the competition together as a group. I really hope that they'll be friends instead of competition. I'm so sick of having to prove myself to competitors. Showing them that I AM better than them. You see it in the scores.. what else is there i need to prove? HAHAHA!! =P

Wonder how Barak's doing. He's out of the country and it has never been so long since i last chatted with him. I miss the corny jokes and funny stuff. I hope he's alright.. God's with him. Yeah. He should be..

Anyway, i wish ya'll a blessed week ahead.

* His name isnt Matt. duh.

I WILL SHAVE YOUR HEAD BALD!!!

[ please mind the language, understand that i'm pissed!! ]

I HATE KOH! she's my teacher but i dont feel that she deserves the respect that i once used to give her but calling her "Miss Koh." now, it's KOH!!! like she picks on me. if it aint my socks, it's my hair. if it's not my hair, it may be my attire. what's wrong with my hair?? ALL my fringe is at the back!! cant you understand that i hate using fucking pins? that's so girly! but yeah.. i'm a girl.. one that doesnt use pins!!! what? are you like jealous of our hairstyles? that we can pull it off and you cant? BITCH!!

i've got this friend, right? and KOH goes up to her and asks her why is her fringe, some long and some short.. have you heard of layering?? dumbass.. bitch in front of me once more and i will SHAVE YOU BALD!! not that i could but you'll be on my list of totally-screwed-by-me teachers. and action will be taken on my last day of school.. hahaha!!

i cant believe i actually respected you once.. and now, you're acting like i owe you something.. well, i dont.. check again..

I HATE KOH!!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! i'm so evil... >=]

school..

school has started... and well, my class is wayy quiet.. although i think everyone's great, it still needs more action.

JJ's really exhausted from 2 days of school.. he need rest.. well, i wish him God's blessings!!

Wen told me that he's 172cm.. like i believe that? or prpobably he changed.. i hope.

bible study's now on saturday...but i got to go to school for like the whole day!! NOO.. that's sad.

anyway, i wanna watch my show.. see ya.

untitled. cause i really dont know what title i should give.

Yesterday, i gave Ziyang letter with a cd sealed inside which i bought. I thought the cd was pretty good. A christian band, Tree 63, which plays music that are a little heavy. But it's alright. Because Ziyang's taste in music is a bit far off from slow christian songs.

Hannah, von and i went shopping!! but we didn't buy much. Just a couple of nail polishes and von bought herself a really nice bag. Which she obviously loves!! we went to subway for lunch.. but before that, i had met with chork. It was rather awkward for me. It's been like a year since we've seen each other and he had grown really tall. Try 188cm? I felt like a little dwarf.

And that made me realise that when i look down on people, the feeling that the 'dwarfs' feel is really something uncalled for. God told us to love his people not look down on them. Everyone is equal. Why must there be this mocking thing? It's just wrong. Like on the bus, on our way back from shopping, there was this wayy obnoxious guy.. he was like calling the person ,that he was talking to on the phone, an idiot! Can you beat that? And he was like “ Cut that Crap!” emphasising on the Cs.. but we were laughing at him.. haha!

Well, anyway, i wasn't really into the shopping thing. Cause it's not really my thing. But hannah and yvonne were really trying very hard to find something that i would love buying for myself. Like skirts. EWWW!! haha.. i tried the skirt thing already but apparently, i don't dig it. That why now i'm back to my usual jeans, board shorts and shirt thing. If i were to wear a skirt, i would have to find a nice shirt that would go along with it. And the shirt would obviously be like just right or tight fitting. I don't like that. Oh wells.. i did find one nice skirt though. But it was expensive.. so i didn't buy it.... OH! And we took pictures [look below]

At night, after bible study, hannah and i hopped on over to mother's office. On our way, i told her about the fart thing.. not that you guys need to know, but anyway she laughed. Then we talked about Ziyang's long hair.. haha.. that it was getting longer. And that it was getting a bit weird, not for us, but for other people( possibly ).. we were used to it already. And Hannah told me that when she goes for her next haircut at Audrey's, she'll drag Ziyang and Neil. Haha.. it was so funny.. oh wait.. on the train, we saw this guy with an extra finger..it was freaking hannah out! Haha.. so cool!

Keep it real!


it'll remain a memory.


Kids!! =P


our nails are multi coloured. but you cant really see.


this one's blur. sorry. the picture was really tiny. i resized it.

i really didnt know!

i just visited Ziyang's blog. who knew that he appreciated Hannah and I that much. well, it's pretty touching.

i'm not sure why but it's like when the 3 of us hang, it feels like there's noboby who can break this chain of bonds. something so strong that it can NEVER be ruined. Previously, it was always the ACC Clan. which consisted of Hannah, Neil, Elroy and I. The four of us made the clan and we always hanged out after church. The four of us were tight. until Elroy started skipping church. then James came into the picture. and if Elroy came, it'll be the 5 of us. Tight and all.
soon, James had to go to the army and we were left with 3. again! and James kinda changed over a period of time. All of us could feel it.
and along came Ziyang! well, he joined the 'clan' with some hidden agendas but anyway, he's hanging with us now. and Neil, well, he kinda changed too. i didnt like it. Hannah feels it's awkward and Ziyang thinks he's eccentric. so he doesnt really hang with us no more.
and as you can see... the clan couldnt remain as one the whole time. people were coming in and going out. never stable. and now, Ziyang, Hannah and I. we make a great team! i assure you that this one will remain and never disperse. we will stand united! under one God.. it truly is very genuine. aint nobody will break the bond.
this is why i'm SOOO certain that the chains of bond are solid are durabe!! plus, i think we'll go FARR!!!
and like when i'm with Ziyang, i feel like i can tell him anything. like i do with Hannah. and it's really strange coz even when Elroy was my god-bro(unoffically. duh), i would tell him stuff but still i will keep my distance. like i wouldnt fool around with him. but with Ziyang, i call him many nasty names and i torture him. which is seriously fab. though we arent related ***, i feel that i'm really close to him like i am with my own sister.

Ziyang, ask me about the meaning of the 3 'stars'..

well.. have a great day ahead of you!

some really harsh poems..

all my poems are untitled.

number 1.

You want me to keep peace
Keep the family as one, with ease.
You're making it harder each time i try.
i would rather you be out of my life.

i dont like you.
not one bit.
i wanna be free!!
cant you see?

Being a figure skater isnt stupid.
neither is it dumb.
it's aint useless.
dont insult it unless you're one!

so you yell, scream and shout at me.
i sit at a corner, looking up to thee.
crying in silence,
hoping to be freed.

You make my life so miserable.
thinking about it makes me feel small.
you dont bother about how anyone feels anymore.
i dont think you ever did before.

Why is it that i'm stuck with you?
suffering in silence,
what am i to do?
i only want my dad by my side.

You aint the best mother.
and you dont have to be.
it's just my luck i'm stuck with you.
oh Lord, help me get through.

Push it any further and i will breakdown.
until then, how i feel has not been found.
you dont have the right to judge me,
when you keep wallowing in self-pity.

i pray everyday that it'll be better.
but once you get home,
it's only how you feel that matters.
you make me wanna moan.

i only wanna stick to my dad.
and not you.
i dont need to experience your fury.
i'm good on my own.

i dont wanna live like this anymore.
i wanna resolve this problem once and for all.
help me get over this really quickly.
for it is only you(the Lord) who makes me happy..


number 2..( freakin jealousy against my sister)

Why do you always get to be something i cant?
call me spoiled, like you know who i am.
you've never been called 'fat'.
so what do you know about that?
NOTHING!!

You may seem all perfect and fun.
but trust me, you're not one.
i act like nothing is wrong.
seriously, you're just being conned.

Piss off, yeah?
i dont need you here.
go do your thing far away from me.
i dont want you near.

so you're more highly thought of than me.
and i'm like a little girl, the age of 3.
i'm never voted to lead,
only to do the silly.

An angel in a play?
oh please, like that's a step up.
you are an I/C of the deco team!
now, that's something!!

gee.. whatever.

some pictures.. for fun.

what a pose! x)



Kicked.



Sure Royalty



wanna have a nap, i see..



awww.. he looks so cute.



The World's Biggest Bear..



Ninja's hide their identity, blending with the shadows.



2 Ninjas Kickback!



Life From The Closet.


Well, that's all for now.. it aint much, but good enough.

hehe...

howdie ya'll! Believe it or not, I'm using my PSP to post this entry... It's way cool!! Anyhoo, I just ended camp. It was great! I'll put up the pictures once i've uploaded em'...
Anyway, our christmas service is coming soon! OH JOY! Well, i'll be playing an angel and some other roles. But they're all non-speaking roles... so yeah. However, I've set myself a challenge! This year, I've got to bring a friend, irregardless of who they are. Well, actually i've already got someone in mind. But i've got to ask.

preetty!

well these are some pictures from my sister's Grad night..








so it's just two. tag me if you wanna see more.. kinda lazy to put it up..

lalalalaa..

i cant wait to go to america and visit all my friends and grandparents!! anyway... i had camp last week and a spider bit me.. haha.. my whole had swelled.. and my sister rubbed it in by poking it..haha.. she's such a dork!
i'm gonna get my skates!! my dad's gonna help me get 'em.. i can hardly wait!

picture..

my sis and people of the world..



Jammers..

Right..

So i'm like sitting here, waiting for something to happen.
Feeling cold, scared and numb.
Wonder what it's going to be like,
sitting down here like an empty appartment.
I can hear my heart thumping in my ears.
Oh Lord, am i shedding a tear?
Why does it feel like shit, when in reality,
looking at the circumstances, it's actually quite a bliss.
What is this thing that i'm feeling?
It's like something i've felt once in my life before.
Man.. now i'm stuck in this stupid situation.
and to tell you the truth, i hardly feel liberated.
if it was in church, i'd be glad.
I'll feel comfy, like in my own bed.
There aint nothing to be satisfied about.
besides that i'm all tired out..

Dundee Street..

Along the roads of Dundee Street,
Lives a nice old lady who makes wonderful spagetti,
And sews many great dresses.
she has 5 cats that keep her company,
And plays this game called 'many wild guesses'.

Her good friend is mexican,
And she is just as fun.
Her name is Margot and she keeps cats too.
They go out for tea and buns,
starring into each others eyes of blue.
It's way cool.

So i get to visit them every now and then.
Oh.. How i miss them so.
It's going to be winter the next time i see them.
My grandmother and her good friend.

whatever..

How dare you demoralise me?
crushing all my hopes and dreams.
Telling me it's a waste of time,
how mean can you be?

I pray and weep.
Hoping for a miracle to happen.
My faith is strong, My heart is pure.
Oh Lord, let me not be weakened.

This has been my life long dream,
Ever since i was a kid.
In one second, it was crushed
By that woman you gave to me.

Aren't mothers suppose to be supportive,
Giving all the support they can give?
I'd rather forget about my dream,
because you gave her to me.

whatever,,

Fun.. i was being stupid.

What is it all about?
Fun, is it the only one?
That helps me cope,
keeps me afloat?

Fun.
I love it when it involves guns.
Shooting people down,
making them run.

The opposite of fun,
is nuf.
You think you're so tough?
Well, it kinda makes me barf.

What have you got that i don't?
Besides that i'm fun and you're not?
Doing what you're told.
I bet you were being bought.

Yes. How fun it is.
To make people pissed.
Making lame remarks
and getting shot down be punks.

My church.. just so you know, Alive Community Church.

I only stepped in when i was 12.
and i felt really welcomed.
They made me seem important
and i felt the hearts warming.

My sister was there with me too.
That made me feel something completely new.
For a moment, it was too much.
I thought it wouldn't last.

Their praise turned me inside out.
Their worship turned me outside in.
i soon felt that i was spinning round
until i could not feel a single thing.
It soon came to an end.
I thought i could no longer feel God's presence again.

Along came Yvonne.
She helped me see
that problems didn't matter
when God had all the power
to blow my troubles away.
Boy, did i feel better!

What an awesome experience.
It'll forever be entrenched to my heart.
And I'll never forget this church
which helped me realise my love for Thee.

The one and only, ACC!

friends.. uh huh..

Some friends are gross,
some are weird.
But those that i despise
are the ones who jeer.

The worst of the lot would be --------a [ just pronounce the 'a' ]
for she is such a dweeb,
i can't even give way.
Would she ever stop for a minute to think that,
that ain't right?
To be fussing around all day and night?

If you think I'm being mean,
just stop, look and see.
If you know me,
then you'll know I'm really patient.
And now, i can't even stand this person!

Because of this reason,
my mood's displeasin' .
But once I'm older,
I'll get over.
While Miss Nasty is getting even colder.

No basic manners or principles.
Her poor parents.
They must feel do discouraged.
Cheer up, it's okay.
Leave her be.
Wait, you'll see.
She'll be dealt with ungentlely.
Not by me but by a stranger that will never flee.

Herself.